Vicovi

[Pera Zeka]

Mama, mama, sta je to impotencija?-Idi pitaj tatu.

[adam]

setih se jednog starog tuuuuuuuuznog vica pa da podelim - nije tri debela nemca OBECAVAM!vic o frigidnoj fatibudi se fata, zeva, gleda u muju i kaze - dobrojtro mujo, bas sam se fino naspavala... a dokad si ti nocas jebo?edit - gutam slova

Edited January 9, 2010 by adam

[Pera Zeka]

Pricaju dva pijana Rusa u kafani.-Jeli, jel si stavio zeni poklon pod jelku za Novu godinu? -Jesam, naravno.-Pa jel se obradovala?-Neznam, nije ga jos nasla, znas li ti kolike su sibirske sume!

[Dionysos]

Šta je strah od zatvorenog prostora? - Kad ideš u kafanu, a bojiš se da će biti zatvorena.

[Pantelija jr]

evo jedan glupi:mladi muz dolazi kuci kod svoje mlade zene, poslije ekstra napornog dana na poslu, sav sjeban. zeni ga zao, sva se polomila oko njega da mu ugodi:- Mili, jesi umoran? Hoces li da prilegnes malo? Da nisi gladan? Hoces da ti isprzim jaja?muz se brecne:- 'Oces li ja tebi sise da isprzim?

[Šumejker-Levi 9]

evo jedan glupi:mladi muz dolazi kuci kod svoje mlade zene, poslije ekstra napornog dana na poslu, sav sjeban. zeni ga zao, sva se polomila oko njega da mu ugodi:- Mili, jesi umoran? Hoces li da prilegnes malo? Da nisi gladan? Hoces da ti isprzim jaja?muz se brecne:- 'Oces li ja tebi sise da isprzim?

:D :D

[LudiKure]

U cemu je razlika izmedju kamiona punog beba i kamiona punog kukuruza u zrnu?Kukuruz ne mozes da istovaras vilama.Kakva je razlika između crnaca i zimskih guma?Kada stavljaš lance na zimske gume, one ne pevaju bluz.

Jak™ Kako se zove žena od Vi Ni Pu-a? Ši Mi Pu.A njihova ćerka? Ši Ga Pu.

[ZerrorR]

Otišli Pirocanac i Pirocanka na njivu da kopaju. Moderno doba, mobilni telefoni i Pirocancu zazvoni telefon. Švalerka od Pirocanca:"Dolazi brzo da se pojebemo, ovaj moj otišo u varoš"Prekine vezu Pirocanac i rece ženi kako su mu upravo javili da mu je teca umro pa da ona nastavi da kopa a on mora do tecine kuce, da im se nade, da se odredi red. Ode tako Pirocanac, kresne švalerku i vrati se na njivu i rece ženi:"Lele ženo, kakvi su ovo ljudi, neko se zajebavao sa mnom.Ja odem kod tecu a on živ i zdrav, sedi u ladovinu i pije rakiju. Kad sam vec bio tamo, pitasmo se za zdravlje popismo po neku i ja dodo da kopam."Lele" zalelece Pirocanka - "Ovde prodoše dvojica i kažu mi: jel ce pevaš ili da te jebemo"."I šta uradi ženo?" pita Pirocanac.A Pirocanka: "Kako da pevam, kad je teca umreo"...

[TheBigFlegma]

Beleške američkog biznismena u Rusiji: “Juče pio s nekim Rusima - umalo nisam umro.Danas pio s nekim Srbima - bolje da sam juče umro...”

[расејан]

Voditelj: Znači, vi ste pjesnik? Gost: Da, ja sam pjesnik. Voditelj: Amater? Gost: A mater nije, ona je domacica, malo oko bašte i tako...

[cedo]

And then the fight started.... My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'I said, 'Dust.'And then the fight started....******************************************Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started...******************************************I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started....******************************************My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?""No," she answered.I then said, "Is that your final answer?"She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."And then the fight started..... ****************************************** My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started.... ****************************************** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started....****************************************** My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started.... ****************************************** A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started......

[kapetanm]

Penzionerski fejsbuk - čitulje

[Šumejker-Levi 9]

Covek ulazi u banku, i staje u red...Kad je dosao do pulta izvadi pistolj i zapocne s pljackom banke...Kako bi bio siguran da ne ostavlja za sobom nikake svedoke, okrene se sledecem u redu i upita ga:"Jesi li me video da pljackam banku...?"Ovaj odgovara:"Da...!"Pljackas podize pistolj, uperi mu u glavu i - BANG!Ovaj pada mrtav...Pljackas upita sledeceg u redu:"Jesi li me ti video da pljackam banku...?"A, ovaj odgovara:"Ne, ali je videla moja zena..."

[Mercuzzio]

Mora se pricha sa jakim meksichkim akcentom3 days ago, I went to town, and I met Pedro Pistolero.This time he had gun and I had no gun, so he said to me "Eat shit".So I ate shit.Next day I went to town again, and I met Pedro Pistolero.But this time, I had gun, and he had no gun.So I said to him "Eat shit Pedro Pistolero".And he ate shit.But yesterday, I went to town and I met... Guess who?Pedro Pistolero.And this time I had gun, and he had gun.So I said to him:"Let's lunch together"

Edited January 30, 2010 by Mercuzzio

[sherman]

chupaju dve babe repu na njivi i jedna izvadi jednu ogromnu repu i kaze ovoj drugoj- U mog Dobrivoja ovakav djokaa druga baba pita- Tako veliki?- Ma jok bre, ovako kaljav