Strukovni Humor

[JozoMujica]

From Your Friendly IT Support Guy1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children?s art. We don?t have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.2. Don?t write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.3. When an I.T. person says he?s coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won?t be there when we need your password. It?s nothing for us to remember 300 screen saver passwords.4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what?s keeping you from getting it. We don?t need to know that you can?t get into your mail because your computer won?t power on at all.6. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We?re just testing.7. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.8. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.9. When the photocopier doesn?t work, call computer support. There?s electronics in it.10. When you?re getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.11. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We?re collectors.12. When something?s wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person?s chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.13. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don?t have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.14. When an I.T. person tells you that he?ll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice : ?And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly??. That motivates us.15. When the printer won?t print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.16. When the printer still won?t print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.17. Don?t learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by ?my thingy blew up?.18. Don?t use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.19. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them.20. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn?t work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.21. When you get a message saying ?Are you sure?? click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren?t sure, you wouldn?t be doing it, would you ?22. When you find an I.T. person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don?t have any money to speak of anyway.23. Feel perfectly free to say things like ?I don?t know nothing about that computer crap?. We don?t mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.24. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call I.T. support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master?s degree in nuclear physics.25. When you can?t find someone in the government directory, call I.T. Support.26. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call I.T. Support. We love to hack.27. When something?s the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn?t know anything about the problem.28. When you receive a 30mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We?ve got lots of disk space on that mail server.29. Don?t even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue.30. When an I.T. person gets on the elevator pushing $100,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: ?Good grief, you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?? That?s another one that cracks us up no end.31. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company. People out in Birmingham like to keep abreast of what?s going on.32. When you bump into an I.T. person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.33. Don?t bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.34. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We?ll find all the settings and drivers somewhere.35. In no way do we believe that end-users are ungrateful. It hurts our feelings that one could even think such a thing on the basis of the above statements. In truth we wish to express our deepest gratitude to the hundreds of wonderful end-users portrayed herein, without whom none of this would have been remotely possible.Your friendly computer guy.

[Delija67]

[paculla]

[mei]

the day routers died

[fonTelefon]

Moze ovaj PDF da se preseli na KDP?

[batticuore]

Moze ovaj PDF da se preseli na KDP?

:D ja ga ne bih selila tamo. dajte ljudi, malo po malo, pa da nam ceo forum postane KDP-onica!

[kgmr]

obozavam bcija, obozavam. drzim ga na zidu.

[JozoMujica]

1. Jedna ljudska celija sadrzi oko 75 MB genetskih informacija unutar DNK2. Jedan spermatozoid sadrzi polovinu genetskih informacija, tj. 37.5 MB3. U jednom mililitru sperme nalazi se oko 100 miliona spermatozoida4. Prosecna ejakulacija muskarca traje 5 sekundi i sadrzi oko 2.25 ml sperme5. Iz gore navedenog sledi da propusna sposobnost muskog polnog organa iznosi:(37.5?B x 100Mil x 2.25)/5 = (39 321 600 bajtova/spermatozoidu x 100 000 000 spermatozoida/ml x 2.25 ml) / 5 sekundi = 1 769 472 000 000 000 bajtova/sekundi = 1609.33 Terabajta/sekundiDobijamo, znaci, da zenska jajna celija izdrzava DDoS napad od vise od hiljadu i po terabajta u sekundi i pritom propusta samo jedan, odabrani, paket informacija.Time zakljucujemo da je jajna celija ubedljivo najbolji hardverski Firewall koji postoji na Zemlji!Problem je sto taj jedan paket informacija koji taj FW propusti - blokira sistem na 9 meseci

[cedo]

[pt 2.0]

Zenski inzenjeri postaju neodoljivi na samrti, i ostaju takvi oko 30 minuta nakon svoje klinicke smrti. Duze, ako je topao dan.

ovo jos nisam cula... a svasta sam cula

[Indy]

Ovde ima lepa selekcija. Samo neki biseri:

* Tech Support: "What operating system are you running? Windows 95?" * Customer: (a little too excited) "95, 97, 98, I've got them all!"After conferring with her husband, it turned out she owned a Macintosh with System 8.1.

* Me: "First you need to open DOS-prompt. I'll guide you--" * Customer: "MY COMPUTER DOES NOT HAVE DOS! YOU THINK I RUN THAT ANCIENT SOFTWARE?" (click)

* My Friend: "What's your operating system?" * Me: "Linux." * My Friend: "You better uninstall it!" * Me: "Why?" * My Friend: "The government uses Linux to look through your computer and see your every move. They use it as a security camera into your world." * Me: "Sure...."

* Friend: "Hey, cool Mac! Does it have Windows!?" * Me: (incredulous stare) * Friend: "Oh, wait, that was stupid. All Macs have Windows."

A guy at our company asked to have Lotus Notes installed on his Mac. He said he'd be away for a couple days, and I could install it then. When I went to do it, there wasn't enough disk space, but there was about 96 megs in the trash. Ah, I thought, he's forgotten to empty it.When the user returned to work, he came straight to see me after switching on his machine. * Him: "Where're all my files?" * Me: "What files?" * Him: "The ones I was keeping in the trash."

[srdjann]

1. Postoji samo 10 vrsta ljudi - oni koji znaju binarne brojeve i oni koji ih ne znaju2. Q: Koliko je programera potrebno da zameni sijalicu?A: Nijedan, to je hardverski problem. ;)3. Q: Kakva je razlika između hirurga i boga?A: Bog zna da nije hirurg. :D4. Q: Ako je mantil hirurga isprskan krvlju a mantil urologa mokraćom, čime je isprskan mantil interniste?A: Kafom 5. Na nekom kongresu upozna se dvoje lekara, odmah zbrišu na večeru, pa na piće, pa u hotel, pa na seks... Nakon seksa on će njoj: "Ti mora da si hirurg?" "Jesam, kako znaš?" "Pa lepo, prala si ruke pre večere, pa posle večere, pa pre pića, pa posle pića, pa pre seksa..." "A ti mora da si anesteziolog?" "Jesam, kako znaš?" "Nisam ništa osetila..."

[betty]

[lostfanforever]

What does a biologist do when she gets twins? baptizes one and keeps the other as a control.

[lessa]

ha, pretece me!on a personal note: izvinjavam se, ponizno se izvinjavam, ali me uvatila fjaka u subotu i nisam bila ni za sta