Vicovi

[sanja025]

Cula danas, pa da zabelezim:Zasto Marsovci ne prave zabave i zurke?Nemaju atmosferu

[angelfish]

[Kelt]

Kaže doktor babi:-Diši,baba!-Tu šam,doktore!

[saveznik]

Piše sestra pismo bratu u vojci: "Dobro smo, bili smo tajo i ja na vašaru u Kotraži. Naišli neki mangupi, taja izudaraše, a mene jebaše"Drugo pismo: "Dobro smo, bili smo na vašaru u Požegi. Naišli neke mangupi, taja izudaraše, a mene jebaše."Treće pismo: "Približava se vašar u Ivanjici. Ja bih rado išla, al' se tajo nešto nećka...."

[007]

Klinac ujutro, za doruckom, pita oca:- Tata, sta je to politika?- Vidi, sine. Nasa porodica je kao drzava. Ja radim, donosim kuci novac.Ja sam, znaci, kapitalista. Mama te pare rasporeduje i brine da imamo sve sto treba. Ona je vlada. Devojka koju imamo, radi sve po kuci i zatoje ona radnicka klasa, a deda je kao sindikat, jer prati kako sve funkcionise. Svi zelimo da tebi bude dobro i ti si narod, a tvoj bratic je buducnost. Jesi li shvatio?- Ne bas, tata, moram to malo da promislim. Reci cu ti sutra.Decaka je tokom noci probudio plac brata koji se ukakio u pelenama. Hteo je da pozove majku, ali je ona cvrsto spavala. Posao u sobu kucne pomocnice, kad tamo tata na njoj. Deda uopste nije reagovao i mali se vratio u krevet.Ujutro, tata ga pita da li mu se jasno sta je politika.- Naravno da jeste. Shvatio sam da kapitalista iskoriscava radnicku klasu, vlada samo spava, a sindikat je nezainteresovan. Na narod niko neobraca paznju, a buducnost je u govnima.

[t-mac]

Došla baba kod doktora, a on je pita:- Bako, gde te boli?- I ovde i kod kuće ***Pričaju telefonom Mujo i Suljo:- Gdje si bolan Suljo?- Ma, evo me u Norveškoj- A gdje je to?- Pa, kako da ti objasnim... Imaš li globus?- Imam.- E, to ti je odma' ispod šarafa ***Dolazi poštar kod babe da joj uruči pismo i kaže:- Evo, bako, stiglo pismo iz Amerike, avionom!A baba će namrgođeno:- Ne laži, videla sam te, motorom si došao! ***Razgovaraju 2 Cigana:- E bate, jesi čuo da Rolingstounsi dolaze u Beograd?- Rolingstounsi, majke ti? Ma nabiće im Zvezda 5 komada! ***Vozi beogradski taksista jednog Hrvata po Beogradu. I kad ga je dovezao do željene adrese Hrvat ga pita:- Koliko?- Hiljadu dinara.- A koliko je to u tisućama?- Pet

[Šumejker-Levi 9]

šta pokloniti pedofilu koji ima sve?Novu Parohiju.

[Zli Gli]

-Sta radi plavusa u cetiri sata popodne? -Jebe se sve u 16.

[007]

Sjede dvije plavuše na autobusnoj stanici i dođe bus pa upita jedna:- Oprostite, mogu li ovim busom do Črnomerca? - Na žalost, ne možete, odgovori vozač. A druga će plavuša:-A ja? --------------------------------------Pita plavuša crnku: - Šta misliš što je bliže mjesec ili London? - London!- Haloo, a da li ti negdje vidiš London? -----------------------------------------Plavuša baca cigle u vodu i viče- Gle čuda! Gle čuda!- Što je, u čemu je čudo? - Cigle kockaste, a ispadaju krugovi. ------------------------------------------Crnka i plavuša se voze u autu i ostanu bez benzina. Zašto smo stali? - pita plavuša. Ostali smo bez benzina - odgovara crnka. Vidiš kako si ti pametna, ja bih i dalje vozila - reče plavušaEDIT:Zašto Piroćanac premotava video snimak svadbe unazad? Gleda kako mu muzika vraća pare.

Edited December 11, 2007 by 7

[007]

Radili Mujo, Haso i Suljo na građevini. Pentrali se po skeli, kad najednom Suljo se spotakne, padne i pogine. Mujo i Haso ne vjeruju šta se dogodilo... Pa šta ćemo sad? Kaže Mujo Hasi: najbolje da ti odeš do Suljine Fate, bili ste nekako blizi, a ti si i osjećajniji, pa bolje da čuje od tebe šta se dogodilo. I tako ode Haso i vraća se za sat i po, nosi gajbu pive na ramenu. - Pa jesi bio, bolan Haso? - Kako ne bi bio ... - Pa otkud ti piva ? - Platila Fata ... - Štoooo? - Gledaj...idem ja tako do Fate, pa kontam kako da ja njoj reknem, a da ja ne povrijedim i smislim se... Došo ja do vrata...pozvonim... Fata otvori, a ja 'nako veselo s vrata: - Jel ima ovdje udovica? , A ona će ko iz topa: - Nema. A ja njoj... Ajd u gajbu piva da ima...

[Parsons]

DARWIN AWARD:ph34r: The candidates this year are............ MICHIGAN... In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. CALIFORNIA... A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run. NORTH CAROLINA... Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital. CALIFORNIA... Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor. DELAWARE... Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger. HONOURABLE MENTION: NEW JERSEY... Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed. RUNNER UP: WASHINGTON... TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the TacomaNarrowsBridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. 'All I can say' said Bingham, 'is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it.' Bingham's foot was never located. AND THE WINNER: FROM G-E-R-M-A-N-Y is.... Over zealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt, 46 of Paderborn, Germany, fed his constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. 'The sheer force of the elephant 's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him' said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. 'With no one to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated.'

Edited December 14, 2007 by Billy Parsons

[Grunf]

- kako zovu slona sa heklerom? - gospodine.

[ordi]

prelazi dete ulicu i pregazi ga kamion na kom piše............................bambi plazma ne pušta te da odrasteš

[konzumer]

Prilazi devojka mišićavom liku i pita ga : "šta radiš u Subotu ?""Leđa i bicepse."

[Al-Khwarizmi]

U ispovedaonici:- Oče, spavala sam sa popom iz susedne parohije. Da li je to greh?- Veliki greh, kćeri! Ti pripadas ovoj parohiji.