Vicovi

[eye of the beholder]

Direktor kompanije poziva sekretaricu i kaže joj: "Hajde, spremi se, idemo na nedelju dana na službeni put u inostranstvo..."Sekretarica po povratku kući obaveštava muža: "Dragi, moram sa šefom na službeni put na nedelju dana, moraćeš sam da se brineš o sebi..."Muž obaveštava svoju švalerku: "Moja žena putuje na nedelju dana, provešćemo to vreme zajedno..."švalerka obaveštava svog djaka kome daje časove iz matematike: "Biću veoma zauzeta, imam puno posla i pauziraćemo nedelju dana..:"Đak sav srećan obaveštava svoga dedu: "Dedice moj, biću slobodan nedelju dana i nemam časove, jer mi je nastavnica zauzeta, hajde da idemo na pecanje..."Deda (direktor kompanije) ponovo zove svoju sekretaricu: "Plan je promenjen, moj unuk me moli da provedemo vreme zajedno. Putovaćemo drugi put..."Sekretarica zove svoga muža: "Dragi, moj šef je zauzet, službeni put je odložen..."Muž zove švalerku: "Nećemo moći ove nedelje, žena je odložila put..."švalerka zove djaka: "Nastave će ipak biti kao i obično..!"Đak zove dedu: "Dedice, nastavnica je rekla da će nastave biti kao i obično, ne mogu da ti pravim društvo..."Deda zove svoju sekretaricu: "Ne sekiraj se, ipak putujemo ove nedelje. Spremaj stvari..."

[JozoMujica]

One Liners for Losers1. I was so poor growing up if I wasn’t a boy, I’d have had nothing to play with.2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over, nobody’s home. “I went over. Nobody was home.3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.4. One day I came home early from work. I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “Hey buddy, why are you doing that?” He said, “Because you came home early.”5. It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.6. I was such an ugly kid that when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.8. I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.9. I’m so ugly that my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, “I’m sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through.”11. I’m so ugly that my mother had morning sickness…..AFTER I was born.12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, “Do you think we’ll ever find them?” He said, “I don’t know kid. There’s so many places they can hide.”14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.15. I’m so ugly that I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I’d get.16. I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” He said, “I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect.”17. I went to the doctor because I’d swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, “How can I get my kite in the air?” He told me to run off a cliff.19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.21. My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

Edited July 24, 2008 by gotivac

[colonelo]

Nova verzija starog vica:Upoznavaju se Džems Bond i Radovan Karadžić:- Bond... Džems Bond.- Dabić... David Dabić... Dragan David Dabić... Doktor Dragan David Dabić.

Edited July 25, 2008 by colonelo

[Nicol]

koliko žarulja promini psihijatar tokom života?1. ali samo ako se ona stvarno želi prominit.

[Moća]

KAko ciganka zove pirsing na p..ki? Mindzusa!

[JozoMujica]

Ide nepismeni vuk šumom, sretne Crvenkapu sa punom korpom i pita je:- Crvenkapo, šta to nosiš baci?I Crvenkapa baci.

[Zli Gli]

:lol:

[slepa živana]

Ide nepismeni vuk šumom, sretne Crvenkapu sa punom korpom i pita je:- Crvenkapo, šta to nosiš baci?I Crvenkapa baci.

kao ono kad čovek ne može da pronađe neku ulicu pa priđe panduru i kaže mu - izvinite, da vas pitam... a ovaj njemu - ma koga ćeš bre ti da vaspitaš!

[Grunf]

ili kao kad dodje tip kod oftamologa i kaze:'doktore, suzi mi oko'i doktor mu suzi oko.

[Dionysos]

Moze i,Trci zeka sumom i naidje na dabra:- "Dabre dabre, jure me kobre"- "Ko, bre?"- "Da, bre!"

[slepa živana]

Moze i,Trci zeka sumom i naidje na dabra:- "Dabre dabre, jure me kobre"- "Ko, bre?"- "Da, bre!"

može, ali ovo je onaj ciklus "sinko ja bi sišla - pa siši"ali sinoć sam čula jedan, baš mi se dopao samo je možda malo smešniji kad se priča u onom narošito šabanskom tonu...kao upoznaje se zemunac sa ribom i pita je: - brate sestro, čime se baviš u životu? - studiram.- a šta studiraš?- režiju.- struja, voda, komunalije?

[JozoMujica]

Zašto je glavić roze?Zato što je za devojčice.

[Razzmatazz]

Dobarrr... Mada se društvo iz Blue Oyster bara ne bi složilo

[Waldorf]

Пироћанац-студент пише оцу:„Татко, немам си пари за ћирију, морам на улицу!”После пар дана, стиже одговор:„Пази се од кола!”

[Aule@]

Zašto je glavić roze?Zato što je za devojčice.

Пироћанац-студент пише оцу:?Татко, немам си пари за ћирију, морам на улицу!?После пар дана, стиже одговор:?Пази се од кола!?