Vicovi

[Sara]

ma, teraj se Zico

Edited March 29 by Sara

[Caligula]

5 hours ago, Mercuzzio said:

Upoznaju se plavuša i hirurg.

- Ja sam plastični hirurg.

- Jaoooo izgledaš kao pravi!

 

Ja sam kožni lekar

[Tpojka]

A young man comes to the confessional: "Forgive me father, I have sinned. I was with a woman of dubious morals." 

The pastor asks, "Is that you, Jimmy?"
"Yes, it is I, father."
"And who was this woman you talk about?"
"I can't tell you that, father. I wouldn't want to sully her name."
"I'll find out sooner or later, so it doesn't matter if you tell me now. Was it that girl Kathy Miller?"
"I mustn't say."
"It was Mary Smith, wasn't it?"
"I am not telling."
"Sally Rogers?"
"I will be silent as a grave."
"How about Betty Teller, then?"
"Father, do not ask, I won't betray her."
"Then it must have been Peggy Jones?"
"Please, father, I vowed to remain silent."
The priest sighs reluctantly. "You truly are determined, Jimmy. I almost have to admire you. But you have sinned and you have to do penance for it. You are not allowed to show your face in this church for three weeks! Now go in peace."
Jimmy returns to his bench where his best friend greets him. "Well, how was it?"
"Great!"
"What did you get?"
"Three weeks of vacation and five good tips."

[Quizmaster]

Da su se Cane i Blek Stena borili zajedno protiv crvenih mundira, Cane bi rekao: lojalisti - rojalisti, isti kurac.

[Ajant23]

Sada kada je preminuo O. J. Simpson, možda i Vučić izgubi neke izbore...

 

 

[aram]

kako se zove pas koji ne zvoni?

 

Spoiler

kuca

 

[Tpojka]

Bus full of nuns falls of a cliff and they all die......

Long

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St.Peter. St.peter says to them

"Sisters, welcome to heaven, in a moment I'll let you through the pearly gates and into the heaven, but before I do that I must ask each of you a single question"

St Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her

"Sister, have you ever touched a man's penis?"

Sister responds

"Welllll there was this one time I touched one with the tip of my pinkey finger"

St.peter says

"Alright Sister, now dip your pinky in the holy water and you may go" And she did so St.peter now turns to the second nun and says

"Sister, have you ever touched a man's penis?"

The nun replies

"Well there was this one time I held one for a moment"

"Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the holy water and you may be admitted" And she does so. Suddenly there is a noise in the back of the lines. It seems one nun is cutting in line in front of the others and is pushing and knocking over other nuns. St.peter sees this and asks the nun

"Sister Susan what is this, there is no rush"

Sister Susan responds

"Well I just want to gargle this holy water before Sister Mary dips her bloody ass in it"

[Leia]

Uciteljica pita:
- Djeco,ko zna da mi objasni kako funkcionise drzava?
Javlja se Perica:
- Drzava je kao prekookeanski brod. Kapetan je premijer, a posada su ministri i oni vode taj brod kroz talase i oluje i sve druge nedace...
Uciteljica:
- A narod?
Perica odgovara:
- Pa putnici su narod!
Uciteljica nastavlja:
- A sta rade putnici?
A Perica ce kao iz topa:
- Pa povracaju!😂

[Leia]

Mujo polagao testove na vozačkom ispitu. Član komisije čita rezultate:

- Mujo, niste položili ispit. Imate 28 grešaka.

- Kako je to moguće? Pa odgovorio sam na sva pitanja!

- Da, ali pogrešno. Zaokružili ste sve odgovore pod B!

- Pa ja za B i polažem!!!

[Leia]

Uhvate divljaci Bosanca u džungli i ubace ga u lonac da ga skuhaju.
Pitaju ga ima li posljednju želju.
-Nemam ja nikakvih želja, samo me nešto zanima.
-Što?
-Imate li vi SDP i SDA ovdje?
-Nemamo.
-Imate li HDZ?
-Nemamo
-Imate li SNSD i SDS?
-Nemamo.
-Imate li Radom za boljitak, HSP, SBIH, PDP, SBB?
-Nemamo…
-Pa od čega ste podivljali mater vam j*bem !😂

[aram]

Došli jaje i kokoš kod psihijatra i sede u čekaonici. Dolazi sestra i pita “Ko je došao prvi?”

A oni u glas: “A da se nosiš ti malo u kurac!”

[Lezilebovich]

3 hours ago, aram said:

Došli jaje i kokoš kod psihijatra i sede u čekaonici. Dolazi sestra i pita “Ko je došao prvi?”

A oni u glas: “A da se nosiš ti malo u kurac!”

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[bradilko]

zna li neko dobar crnohumorasti vic?

ovde je neko stavio dobar

-tata, tata! mozemo li da se igramo sa babom?

- moze deco ali kad zavrsite vi da je zakopate

 

[Ajant23]

Imaš i ovaj crnohumorni od novijih:

 

- Baba, baba, hoćeš li ti da glasaš za Vučića?

 

Spoiler

- Hoću, sine, ali tek kada me pokopa.

 

[bradilko]

1 hour ago, Ajant23 said:

Imaš i ovaj crnohumorni od novijih:

 

- Baba, baba, hoćeš li ti da glasaš za Vučića?

 

  Reveal hidden contents

- Hoću, sine, ali tek kada me pokopa.

 

jebiga ovo nije vic.

daj nesto drugo