Citati i scene iz humorističkih serija...

[Ajant23]

Sve što je duhovito, a da su serije u pitanju. Umesto uvoda:"You know, people became famous for a little while then they disappear.- Like Rene and Renatta, Simon Dee.- Or Ghandhi.So see maybe this time it's our... Ghandhi?- Yeah. I mean, he made one great film and then you never saw him again.""Only Fools and Horses" Rodney, Trigger"Not when he's the finest mind in English legal history. Ever heard of Bob Massingbird? ... I remember Massingbird's most famous case, the Case of the Bloody Knife. A man was found next to a murdered body, he had the knife in his hand, thirteen witnesses had seen him stab the victim, and when the police arrived he said: "I'm glad I killed the bastard." Massingbird not only got him off, he got him knighted in the New Year's honours list, and the relatives of the victim had to pay to have the blood washed out of his jacket.""Blackadder Goes Forth", Blackadder, Baldrick"Politicians must be allowed to panic. They need activity. It is their substitute for achievement.""Yes Minister", Sir Humphrey Appleby"- Hey, Norm, What's up? - My blood-alcohol level.""- How's life treating you Norm? - Like I just ran over its dog.""- How's life treating you Norm? - Like it caught me in bed with its wife.""Cheers"

[Ajant23]

James Hacker (minister): I fully understand your hostility to Europe. I'm not like you, Humphrey. I'm pro-Europe, just anti-Brussels. I sometimes think you're anti-Europe and pro-Brussels.Sir Humphrey Appleby (permanent secretary): I'm neither pro- nor anti- anything. I'm merely a humble vessel for the fruits of your deliberations. It could be argued that given the absurdity of the European idea, that Brussels does its best to defend the indefensible and make the unworkable work.James Hacker (minister): That's not true, Humphrey! Without sounding pompous, we must avoid narrow national self-interest.Sir Humphrey Appleby (permanent secretary): It doesn't sound pompous...James Hacker (minister): Good.Sir Humphrey Appleby (permanent secretary): Merely inaccurate… Minister, let's look at this objectively. It's a game played for national interests. Why did we go into it?James Hacker (minister): To strengthen the free Western nations.Sir Humphrey Appleby (permanent secretary): We went in to screw the French by splitting them from the Germans.James Hacker (minister): Why did the French go in?Sir Humphrey Appleby (permanent secretary): To protect their farmers from competition.James Hacker (minister): And the Germans?Sir Humphrey Appleby (permanent secretary): To cleanse themselves of genocide and apply for re-admission to the human race.James Hacker (minister): I've never heard such cynicism! The small nations didn't join for selfish reasons.Sir Humphrey Appleby (permanent secretary): Really? Luxembourg is in it for the perks. The EEC capital, all that foreign money pouring in.James Hacker (minister): A sensible central location.Sir Humphrey Appleby (permanent secretary): With the administration in Brussels and the Parliament in Strasbourg? Minister! It's like having the Commons in Swindon and the Civil Service in Kettering!James Hacker (minister):The problem isn't internationalism but too much bureaucracy.Sir Humphrey Appleby (permanent secretary): The bureaucracy is a consequence of the internationalism. Why else is there an English Commissioner, a French Director-General below him, an Italian Chef-du-Division and so on? It's like the Tower of Babel.James Hacker (minister): I agree.Sir Humphrey Appleby (permanent secretary): Like the United Nations.James Hacker (minister): I agree.Bernard Woolley (private screatary): If I may interject? You are in fact in agreement.BOTH: No, we're not.…James Hacker (minister): It's all a gravy train!Sir Humphrey Appleby (permanent secretary): How do you mean?James Hacker (minister): They live on champagne and caviar. Chauffer-driven Mercedes, private aeroplanes. Every official has his snout in the trough, and most of them their trotters as well!Sir Humphrey Appleby (permanent secretary): Oh, I beg to differ. Brussels is full of hard-working public servants enduring exhausting travel and tedious entertainment.James Hacker (minister): Working their way through smoked salmon, forcing back all that champagne!"Yes, minister"_{(Veći citat delom i zbog toga što je većina citata iz ove serije nestala sa IMDB-a... A, bila je tamo.)}

[3opge]

HOUSE MDHaus (gleda ispitujucim pogledom u pacijenta koji mirno sedi sa osmehom na licu):pita sestru: "Ko je idiot?"malo kasnije, prilazi mu i pita ga:"Jesi ti Kanadjanin?"

[3opge]

HOUSE MDHaus, sepajuci krece prema pacijentkinji i pokazuje na nju prstom:"Zaustavite tu Jevrejku!"

[Weenie Pooh]

Hank Moody: You can't snort a line of coke off a woman?s ass and not wonder about her hopes and dreams, it's not gentlemanly. - CalifornicationHank Moody: What the fuck do you want?Mia Lewis: I'm late.Hank Moody: What? That's not possible. I...I...I...I...I...I...I wore a condom. That's... that would be like, uh, the immaculate conception. And you, you're the one who... y, you... and then you left.Mia Lewis: I'm late for school. - Californication

[Dionysos]

dobro, tehnički gledano ovo je film, ali...

[3opge]

BLACKADDER(enter Melchett and Darling)Melchett: Eahy, Blackadder!Darling: Attention!Melchett: And why, Captain, are you not advancing across No Man's Land?Edmund: Well, sir, call me a bluffo traditionalist, but I was always taught to wait for the order to attack before attacking.Melchett: Are you trying to tell me you haven't received any orders? What the hell are you playing at, Darling?Darling: That's a flagrant lie, sir. I spoke to Blackadder less than an hour ago. Edmund: Yes you did. To tell me some gobbledygook about having a lion up your bottom.Melchett: Umm...I thought it's the old communications problem again. Stand easy. Action on this is imperative, take that down, Darling.Darling: Yes. use it more often in conversation.Darling: I must say sir, I find this all very unlikely. Not only did I tele- phone Blackadder, but as you'll recall, we sent him a telegram and a carrier pigeon.Edmund: Did you?Darling: Are you telling us you haven't had a pigeon, Blackadder?Edmund: Ohaaahhh! Jim", my only true love who's been with me since I was a nipper! And to business, I'm giving you your order to advance now. Syncronise watches gentlemen. Private, what is the time?Baldrick: We didn't receive any messages and Captain Blackadder definitely did not shoot the delicious plump breasted pigeon, sir.Melchett: WHAT???????Edmund: You want to be cremated, Baldrick or buried at sea?Baldrick: (thinking it over) Umm....Darling: Lieutenant?George: Sir.Darling: Do you mind answering a couple of questions?George: Not at all, sir. We didn't get any messages and Blackadder definitely did not shoot this delicious plump breasted pigeon.Edmund: Good.Darling: And look sir, pigeon feathers. White feathers very apt, eh Blackadder?Melchett: White feathers?Baldrick: Oh no, sir, that's gobbleijuke! They're not white, they're sort of speckly!Melchett: (shocked) Speckly?! AAHHHHHHHH! YOU SHOT MY SPECKLED JIM???Darling: You're for it now, Blackadder. Quite frankly sir, I've suspected this for some time. Quite clearly, Captain Blackadder has been disobeying orders with a breathtaking impertinence.Melchett: I don't care if he's been watering the Duke of York with a prize- winning leak! He shot my pigeon! (screams) AAAHH AHHHH OOOHHHH!Darling: Take it easy. I think we should do this by the book, sir.Melchett: Yes, yes, you're right, of course. I'm sorry. Attention!Darling: (drums are heard in the background) Captain Blackadder, as of this moment you may consider yourself under arrest. You know what the penalty is for disobeying orders, Blackadder?Edmund: Umm..court-martial, followed by immediate cessation of chocolate rations?Darling: No, court-martial followed by immediate death by firing squad.Edmund: Oh, so I got it half right.

[Musharaf]

Sir Humphrey Appleby: [talking about nuclear fallout shelters] If you have the weapons, you need the shelters.James Hacker: Sometimes I wonder if we need the weapons.Sir Humphrey Appleby: Minister! You're not a unilateralist?James Hacker: Well... I sometimes wonder.Sir Humphrey Appleby: Then you must resign from the government!James Hacker: Ah, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not *that* unilateralist! Anyway, the Americans will always protect us from the Russians.Sir Humphrey Appleby: Russians? Who's talking about the Russians?James Hacker: Well, the independent deterrent.Sir Humphrey Appleby: It's to protect us against the French!

[Quizmaster]

Monty Python Philosophy Football

Edited October 21, 2008 by Quizmaster

[Aleksija]

THE WEST WINGCJ: Duchamp was the father of Dadaism. Toby: I know. CJ: The da-da of Dada. Toby: It's like there's nothing you can do about that joke. It's coming, and you just have to stand there. Sam: I need you to tell me everything you can tell me about the superconducting supercollider. Professor Milgate: How much time do we have? Sam: About ten minutes. Professor Milgate: If you pay very close attention, stay very, very quiet - I can teach you how to spell it. Leo: We've got to meet with Albie. President Bartlet: He's going to scold me. He's been at the State Department since Truman. He thinks I'm a kid and that he outranks me. Leo: You'll be fine. President Bartlet: I've got to tell him I lost a submarine. Can I make something up like say 'what if a friend of mine hypothetically...' President Josiah Bartlet: I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends - apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don't vote, do they?

Edited October 21, 2008 by Aleksija

[Eidyia]

Alan B'stard (a nomen est omen), post fašistički zastupnik britanskog parlamenta koji se dočepao zastupničke klupe u Strasbourgu, te tamo izlaže svoje briljantne i revolucionarne ideje. Anyhow, The new statesman spada u vrh british humora, a Rick Mayall je sjajan glumac i komičar. I sad samo da dočekam da od svih x puta repriziranih repriza na vrlim televizijama ova genijalnost dođe na red. Enjoy.

[Ajant23]

James Hacker: Don't tell me about the press. I know who reads the papers. The "Mirror" is read by people who think they run the country. The "Guardian" is read by people who think they OUGHT to run it. The "Times" is read by the people who DO run the country. The "Daily Mail" is read by the wives of the people who run it. The "Financial Times" is read by people who OWN the country and the "Daily Telegraph" is read by people who think it is.Sir Humphrey Appleby: What about the people who read "The Sun"?James Hacker: "Sun" readers don't care who runs the country as long as she's got big tits.

[Weenie Pooh]

Family Guy1) Stewie Griffin (talking to an elderly Latino maid): "So, which of the Latin countries are you from, the one with the civil war, the one with the cocaine, or the one with the fancy hats?"2)Lois Griffin: "Stewie, what are you doing?"Stewie: "Playing house?"Lois: "Why are those two girls tied up?"Stewie: "Roman Polanski's house."3)Lois: "Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different."Stewie: "Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears, that would ring a few bells."4)Stewie: "There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, 'My God, wouldn't it be marvelous if i turned out to be a homosexual?'"5)Peter Griffin: "Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happened to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like Ballard."Brian Griffin: "Do you listen to yourself when you talk?"Peter: "I drift in and out."

James Hacker:"Sun" readers don't care who runs the country as long as she's got big tits.

Edited October 23, 2008 by Weenie Pooh

[ArleKino]

Alan B'stard (a nomen est omen), post fašistički zastupnik britanskog parlamenta koji se dočepao zastupničke klupe u Strasbourgu, te tamo izlaže svoje briljantne i revolucionarne ideje.

Briljantna serija, a B'stard je naprosto Bog.

[Ajant23]

Cliff Clavin: Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest one sat the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."Cheers"