Vicovi

[eye of the beholder]

pedofil Osoba koja, za razliku od pedagoga, stvarno voli djecu.Isidora Bjelica Vladan Batić noću. Ne mogu da verujem šta mogu da urade jeftina perika i skup šešir.Mocart Svestrana ličnost. Čovek koji je komponovao najpoznatiju melodiju za Nokiu. Inače,bio je poslastičar i izmislio je Mozzart kugle. Voleo je da se kladi...sisa Ocenjiva fizička predispozicija koja može baciti u senku ostale merljive fizičke elemente. Jeste ružnjikava, ali kakvu sisu ima!Pljuga Vremenska jedinica. Popušim pljugu i krećemo!Milka Canić Milka Canić ima bogatiji rečnik od Seje Kalača...za dve reči. Dobro veče.Vidoviti Milan precizno proriče i odgovore na stambena pitanja! - Kada ćemo moja porodica i ja prestati da budemo podstanari? - Tarot kaže... Čim kupite svoj standupe-glava Autoput mudrosti. Došlo mu iz dupeta u glavu.dekolte Predeo ženskog tela koji može da fiksira pogled bolje nego kobra. U OČI me gledaj!Pas Čovekov najbolji prijatelj. Ako imate bilo kakvu sumnju u ovu definiciju uradite sledeći test: Stavite u odvojena dva gepeka vašeg najboljeg druga i vašeg psa i zaključajte ih. Dođite posle dva sata i otvorite ih. Ko vam se iskreno obradovao?Opaučiti Tucati Spiderman-a.2% maksimalna kolicina seksa koju pružate osobi koja na vas nema nikakav uticaj .ma ja ga ne jebem 2% ...Del Boj Britanski Srbin. Genetski dokaz da su Srbi nekada vladali Engleskom.Mišković Aktuelni prvak srbije u igranju monopola... nakon sto je Karic diskvalifikovanBata živojinović Bata je otac nemačke nacije. Svima im je jebao kevu.Knjiga Knjiga je svetinja, a svetinja se ne dira.analni sex šumadijski način za izražavanje naklonosti, simpatije, pohvale Jesi pametan, 'bem te u dupe!Iskustvo Iskustvo je zbir razocarenjanagluplje pitanje na svetu Je l' spavas?Sigurni znaci da ste postali alkoholičar Bolovi u prstima: Ja ko covjek izlazim iz kafane, kad me neka budala pogazi po sakama!Dole Nato bombe Po meni najupecatljivija izjava tokom bombardovanja. Autor je svima nama poznata i jako draga vidovita Zorka.feministkinja žena peder.Jebo si mu kevu Poslednji nivo gradacije pohvale u Srbiji: 1. Bravo majstore! 2. Čestitam! 3. Svaka čast! 4. Alal ti vera! 5. Jebo si mu kevu!Udvaranje Davno izgubljena vestina kod ljudi (ptice i kerovi još uvek odolevaju današnjim trendovima). Kroz čovekovu istoriju često je menjala formu od udaranja ženke motkom u glavu i odvlačenja u pećinu, preko branja cveća, pisanja poezije do ratovanja.masturbacija Ovaj pojam se najbolje objašnjava izrekom :"Ko god ima ruke, nije sam."

[Eidyia]

Q: How do you recycle a condom?A: Turn it inside out and shake the f**k out of it. (courtesy of Comedy central )

[Linda Lee]

Istraživanja su pokazala zašto muškarci uživaju u oralnom seksu:- 5% voli taj osećaj- 5% voli dominantnost- 90% voli tišinu:s_w:

[Parsons]

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited

[Кристофер Лумумбо]

Ulazi klinac u dnevnu sobu i kaze:-Mama, meni treba bicikl.-Ma nema sanse.Ali maaama, cele godine sam vredno ucio, evo ide leto, sva deca imaju bicikl, samo ja idem peske.- Ma ne dolazi u obzir!- Ali mama, to bas nije fer, ja tako zelim bicikl.- Slušaj, dve stvari da razjasnimo odmah: prvo, od bicikla nema, nista to da izbijes sebi iz glave. Drugo, to sto ja zivim sa tvojim ocem ne mora da znaci da mozes da me zoves mama.- A kako da te zovem?- Zovi me cika-Zoki.

[Marvin (Paranoid Android)]

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?" The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute...' "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family." 'OK, Dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the Country Club...... (takes a breath).............and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera . "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says Dad. The girl, starts crying again, Sniff, sniff...."A prostitute Daddy!" Sniff, sniff. 'Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!'

[ToniAdams]

A Newfoundlander was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the Shadows.'Twenty dollars...' she whispers.Perry had never been with a hooker before , but decides what the hell, it's only twenty bucks. So they hide in the bushes. They're going 'at it' for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer.'What's going on here, people?' asks the officer.'I'm making love to me wife!,' the Newfoundlander answers sounding annoyed.'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop, 'I didn't know.''Well, neidder did I, til ya shined that light in her face!

[eye of the beholder]

stari&dobri sa novim ulogoamaJavio se Bog Obami u snu i da iskoristi to Obama ga pita: ? Hoće li biti mira u svetu? ? U, pa neću da te lažem, za pet godina biće rat između Rusije i Amerike... ? Pa ko će pobediti? ? Aaaa, to već ne smem da ti kažem. I naravno dosetljivi Obama se seti da pita: ? Pa dobro, hoće li se i posle toga proizvoditi Koka kola? ? Hoće, naravno da hoće. ? I koliko će da košta? ? 12 rubalja!

[Аврам Гојић]

Jebu se Putin, Medvedev i Julija Timošenko. Putin jebe Juliju otpozati, a ova puši Medvedevu. Pita Medvedev Putina: "Gospodine Putin, ne zamerate ako se malo zamenimo"?Putin (blagonaklono): "Pa, zamenite se slobodno, ne marim".

[Dankan Ajdaho]

Dobar.

[eye of the beholder]

Imala snajka iz provincije ljubavnika u gradu, ali nije znala kako da se izvuče iz kuće da se vidi s njim. Ljubavnik joj reče da izmisli da ide na sahranu rođaku. Tako ona i uradi, ali muž predloži da pođe i svekrva s njom. Pozove ona ljubavnika i kaže mu da će i svekrva poći s njom na sahranu i upita šta da radi.Pa povedi je. Naći ćemo nekog i za nju, biće i ona zadovoljna - objasni ljubavnik.Tako one pođu za Beograd . Dok su se vraćale kući, pita snajka u vozu: Mama, šta ćemo da kažemo kad dođemo kući?Ti, snajka, kaži šta god hoćeš, a ja na 40 dana moram da idem.

[eye of the beholder]

Uci mama ajkula dete ajkulu da pliva i lovi.Pridju nekoj plazi i gledaju kupace, pa mama ajkula kaze:"Prvo mu pridjes pa napravis 2 kruga oko njega. Onda mu ponovo pridjes pa ga samo malo zakacis. Onda se malo udaljis pa mu pridjes i repom ga bacis da malo leti. I onda mu pridjes i pojedes ga"Pita dete ajkula:"A sto da toliko vremena gubim, sto da ga odmah ne pojedem ?""Pa, moze i tako, ali onda ces ga jesti sa govnima"

[Waldorf]

Како се на кинеском каже: ?Птице умиру певајући??Ћију, ћију, ТУП!!!

[pt 2.0]

//nadam se da ovo nije bilo... ako jeste, copypastujte smeh//Marriage (Part I ) Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: 'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?'His new bride said: 'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'Marriage (Part II) Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!''Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!' Marriage (Part III)Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and storms out of the house. After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?' She says, 'I was in bed.' 'In bed this early, doing what?''Getting a second opinion!' Marriage (Part IV)A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it is time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.' THE SILENT TREATMENTA man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Edited February 2, 2009 by PointTaken

[JozoMujica]

šPANSKE SERIJEKratak siže:U početku Gabrijela živi u štali, nema jednu nogu, gluva je, slepa,nepismena i siromašna. Nema za hranu pa mora da jede šljunak.Posle 100 epizoda Gabrijela i vidi i čuje.U 120-toj epizodi izraste joj noga.U 150-toj epizodi postaje direktor banke.U 250-toj epizodi dobija napad slepog creva, svi muskarci u seriji plaču.U 300-toj epizodi saznaje da ima oca, brata, majku, očuha, jetrvu i svekrvu,i da su svi oni veoma bogati te je samim tim i ona bogata naslednica. Svimuskarci u seriji plaču.U 312-toj epizodi saznaje da joj je otac sam sebi brat blizanac a da joj jemajka umrla čim se rodila. Svi plaču, naročito se u tome ističu muškilikovi.Dve epizode kasnije banka koju vodi bankrotira, svi je mrze, ona plače, sviu seriji plaču. Plače i režiser i scenarista i koscenarista.Ta epopeja traje cirka 20 epizoda.U 340 epizodi vraća se do štale u kojoj se rodila i tamo joj gatara kaže dace imati sreće u životu. Plače Gabrijela, plače gatara, plaču svi muskarci useriji, plače moja baba koja prati tu seriju, plačem i ja jer je Gabrijelikonačno krenulo.Na kraju, posle 500 epizoda proročanstvo se ispuni, moja baba počinje daprati drugu špansku seriju u kojoj, na početku, Lusinda živi u štali, nemajednu nogu, gluva je i slepa ...